Processing grief through painting, writing, and speaking

Photograph by Philippa James

I am a writer, a painter, a speaker, and a skilled lived experience contributor. My main focus, in this context, is the story of my daughter Neve’s life and her death, in relation to illness and sorrow, joy and compassion. I hope that through opening up and curating spaces for conversations like this, we can bring humanity and compassion to all of life but especially to birth and death - to the edges of life. My skill set is broad and adaptable and I am keen to make connections and facilitate tender conversations.

Are you looking to understand more about paediatric palliative care in the context of a child’s story? Would you like to commission some writing or hire a speaker for a conference or an event? How about opening up conversations about death and dying? Do you have other ideas and funding to support them?

If any of this resonates, I would love to hear from you. Connect with me.

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I am lots of things but in this space, I am both Neve’s mum and myself. I have a background in lactation support, group facilitation and administrative work, within both the charity sector and in mental health research. The past few years have nudged me in new directions and given me fresh skills and focuses. It has become increasingly clear to me that much of what we know about the perinatal period and how to support families at the beginning of life applies very much to illness, caring, palliative care and the end of life.

Photograph by Philippa James

The third of four sisters, Neve was an energetic, bright and loving child, with wild curls and an impish grin that drew the world in. At the age of seven, she was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour and she died nearly three years later, in 2023. Neve's final years were complex and traumatic; she endured much suffering.

Throughout her life, Neve’s sparkle and wit endured, bringing connections and laughter. We were lucky to have exceptional care from so many people within the NHS, social care, our local hospice and palliative care teams and our own friends, family and community.

Neve’s death changed her life and my life, in profound and still unknown ways.

Comments from readers

  • "Hope this is read by healthcare professionals far and wide, to celebrate the humanity they can bring in grief, like the nurse who visited with flowers in hand, and wept: "her gentle weeping, which was both fully professional and fully human, was consoling and comforting to me"."

    Tamarin Norwood, Twitter

  • "Great to hear @EmilyTammam & Neve's palliative care expert doctor @EmilyHarrop9 discuss truth-telling, symptom management, teamwork, child-centred care on @bbcwato today. Palliative care for children has communication at its core. Unimaginable heartache & courage. Thank you both."

    Kathryn Mannix, Twitter

  • "@EmilyTammam your writing ✍️ this morning was breathtakingly beautiful, poignant. I could scarcely take a breath throughout reading it. Thank-you for sharing."

    Kathleen Wenaden, Twitter

  • "It was a powerful story beautiful and movingly told and we will now all be looking out for Red Bike Moments ever after and I was talking about it today when I visited Warwick Hospital @nhsswft . Thank you for sharing it about your beautiful Neve @EmilyTammam 🚲❤️‍🩹 HT @rawbubbles9"

    Brian Dolan, Twitter

  • "Brilliant description of hell/carnage of 1st year of #grief. Too much for all the fragments of oneself to feel all their grief simultaneously; can only be a future patchwork quilt that's trying to stitch itself square by square & then assemble."

    Sacha Langton-Gilks, Twitter

  • "Reflections on educating a dying child. @EmilyTammam has created a personal, but powerful resource for understanding and empathy, through her writing and artwork remembering her amazing daughter, Neve. For all teachers / school leaders / governors"

    Eylan Ezekiel, Twitter

  • "This is a stunning, stunning piece of writing from @EmilyTammam on the death of her daughter, Neve. If I were a publisher (and I damn well should be) I would ask her if she wanted to write a book."

    Annalisa Barbieri, Twitter

  • "Emily, oh Emily I am reading about your beautiful, phenomenal and courageous Neve ❤️ I am lost in your stories, your tender heartbreaking words of love and compassion, whilst you suffer incomprehensibly. Thank you for sharing Neve with us, it helps me and so many others 🙏🏽"

    Sheena Byrom, Twitter

  • "The idea of looking for Red Bike Moments brought me to tears. It's exactly what we need to do: to find what matters to people and to have the courage to mention it while there's still time for them to have those opportunities."

    Palliative Care Nurse Specialist, UK

  • "I'll remember Neve's story, and look out for those Red Bike Moments. I think this will change my practice."

    Oncologist, Canada